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WITH SO MUCH CURRY POWDER...Swazis are not unique

Correct me if I am wrong but as far as I have noticed the biggest number that most Swazis comfortable with is one million…asibheje…it is just hard to write the number two hundred and fifty billion in numerals.

I am drawing this issue of numbers because I have read recent reports that the global population is set to hit seven billion by the end of October .Even though I wouldn’t want to dwell much on such findings because I am not qualified to do so but such has led to yours truly having sleepless nights and thought of the births in the my tiny country’s hospitals…I think it is a number that is so large we can only get our heads around it by means of blank comparisons.

With seven billion people expected by month end in world it is not a number which is bewildering but psychologically oppressive. It is not a hidden fact that as Swazis we think of ourselves as unique individuals with our own thoughts, cultural beliefs and monarchy. The question then remains that with so many people we have in the world do we still find ourselves unique.

With the current economic, political and administrative insanity do we still find ourselves distinctive when every week we experiencing protest marches about anything that is happening in our surroundings. I am waiting for the day that all of the people of Swaziland would wake up at night and protest that this summer days are longer than night.

Swazis Unique? Mhm! I have read that you might find that while in Swaziland we are enjoying bedroom aerobics it is more likely that there are 25 000 other couples doing exactly the same thing, possibly in the same position.

When we bite a mealie cob you might find that even two million people in the other parts of the world moving their canines on the produce (even though in some parts they receive it canned)

Even if we die in Swaziland you might find that 100 people are also losing their breath and hoping to settle well in heaven or hell.

With the above point I wish our government to at least try and revisit our immigration laws because with the little space we have, we are just flooded by these Asians. The country’s population is not growing not because Swazis love sex but because of our loop holes on the arrival of the so called business people…Let us just enjoy our space and not have Swazis with alien surnames like mine….I just love Swaziland

SHAME SWAZI ECONOMY HAS SHRUNK

Brian Mohammed never studied economics, never ran a legitimate business, never employed anyone except Anti in the government flat in Golf Course Mbabane, twice asked a bank for a loan but I have never woke up in the middle of the night wondering how I would pay my bills. So clearly to anyone who cares I am the best man to run the Kingdom of Eswatini economy.

I know a number of the civil servants in the Ministry of Economic Planning are former scholars of the Sisco Magagula headed Matsapha High School…oops University and have spent many years advising the man at the helm of the Hospital Hill Headquaters. I thank God I am employed (for now) stamping foreign passports in the Ministry of Home Affairs.

Personally as I type on my Toshiba laptop which was one of the fruits from one of His Majesty’s liability delegates during a trip overseas I have realised even our Members of Parliament are a bunch of economics illiterates. It is still unfortunate that we are still seeing our Minister of Finance (a former University of Swaziland lecturer; if my memory serves me right) is still on the sailing ship of the Swazi Titanic conducted by uncaring conservative individuals who are only concerned about painting their faces with green paint of culture.

I pity the current leadership of steering us to recession and even my older daughter Amir is feeling it because I cant affort bringing home Cheese Curls-Thanks to the greedy senior government who have managed to steal the little the country reserved and stuffed it in mysterious foreign banks while locally driving not so expensive vehicles and still enjoy the warm comfort government housing.

I mean two days ago some of them have been transferred to ‘steal’ in other ministries .These guys are no stars and they will never even feature in anyone’s good books because they have left us ordinary and loyal citizens on a starvation diet.

They have just reached their target and it is a gross, simple minded experiment that has ended live laBhuza in the morgue. I have never heard a conference speech from any of the current Cabinet that filled me with such despair as the cow dung stolen by the then Speaker Mgabhi Dlamini from LaMgabhi.

It is just unfortunate that the Swazi economy is well and truly vomited upon by greedy senior officials who always blame junior official of corruption. While we basking in disappointing economic stories in the country’s media there is however positives from our ‘forgoten friends’ from Libya and the gossip about a proposed first gay marriage in the Kingdom.

It seems like even Majozi just does not get it, let us work towards alleviating the situation byh investigating the senior government who have stolen millions. I know Mr Sithole would request for proof…My proof is the current state of affairs of the economy and the reports of some senior government officials directly benefiting from tendering exercise.

I think the government just needs to get back its money from the looters before she dreams of borrowing from the country’s friends with benefits and conditions. How will government be able to pay the tenderprenuers if her pocket is empty.

The obsession with cutting the civil service while ignoring the input they have made in sustaining the country is another recipe for disaster awaiting. There is starting to be a real sense of panic in the land. I wouldn’t be surprised that even the Central Bank is printing E1 billion per government quarter in a desperate attempt to give a kiss of life to an economy that has already died . It is so unfortunate that our banks are not borrowing us money and we there is nothing we can spend . The lucky one are the fly by night Asian businessmen who keep their earnings under their mattresses.

It is justifiable with the banks , that in the past they had given out loans to bad debtors who amongst them included current and former politicians , it seem now they are afraid to make good loans to us who are in need. I have heard that the lines of credit that are crucial to economic growth are being quietly strangled in every local bank.

Banks are now scared, local businesses are collapsing, there are thousands of my unemployed peer in my hometown Msunduza in the fix and it is for this reason that Brian Mohammed does not understand that an economy grows or die…Mind you I wish to remain in Swaziland till I die

LIFE IN NOTTINGHAM

KASI SNAPSHOTS

SAJIDA MOHAMMED

ANOTHER MEMBER

I FEEL SO HIGH

LOCAL RASTAS JUS LOVE DAGGA

Eeish mzala I’m high….i mean mzala not from smoking any habit forming drug but because my ‘brother’ Mthupha was recently arrested for a huge consignement of dagga.

I don’t want to judge him because the court of law is yet to pass judgement on his suspected act. The man is from Mvutjini (who cares) but it seems like his story reminds me of my dream of dagga trafficking agents well known to farmers.

These are the agents I have been seen in the city’s drinking holes posing as ‘money –makers’ drinking like there is no tomorrow.

It is not that I am trying to tell brother Ike that these money makers are agents who act as go-

betweens connecting the farmers and the South African, regional and the European dagga dealers.

I have heard from a kwerekwere friend that these bunch of lomakhaya are responsible for

Purchasing dagga from the farmers and transporting the harvest to strategic locations for

packaging. After processing, the agents together with their accomplices would then

smuggle the dagga into South Africa through illegal points. In some instances, trucks

take the aggregated harvest and drop them at specific points along the border on the

Swaziland side.

Akausimi and not referring to Mtfupha but I have heard through the grapevine that the same trucks drive through official entry posts empty before driving to opposite positions on the South African side where the dagga is loaded back on to the vehicles and taken away.

Mzala I am just disheartened that the issue of organised crime, or crime in general for that matter, should be understood in the context of the socio-economic conditions in Swaziland. With more than 69% of the population leaving on less that E7 a day (ask yourself how may aske for E1 a day in the township you live in), more than 40% infected and manm more affected by HIV/AIDS, the general standards of living are low.

It can be argued that this leads to a situation where a significantly large number of people are forced into situations they would not ordinarily choose, and that includes participation in crime and organised crime to earn a more “dignified” income. It is probably from this point of view that the prevailing attitude amongst the ordinary people is that dagga is a source of income upon which many families rely.

I have learnt from my friends labafundzile that this makes it a socially and politically

sensitive issue for the police/government to seriously confront. Conversations with a

number of government officials have also confirmed this state of affairs by highlighting the fact that families that grow dagga are able to fetch more than ten times what those who grow corn and other legal crop are able to fetch per acre of land. It therefore makes business sense for these families despite receiving only a very small fraction of the ultimate price for their produce as compared to the wholesalers and international dealers.

I still remember mzala upon the construction of the Maguga dam near Pig & Hog residence families were relocated to areas further inland and on soil fertile for the cultivation of sugarcane. The government facilitated the community farming projects by availing loans to sponsor the overhead costs and left the management of the new farms to the community. To the government’s dismay, alongside the sugarcane farms, thriving dagga plantations have suddenly been discovered. The justification of the farmers is said to be that all the money they get from the sugarcane goes to paying back the loans and therefore that the money that they generate from the dagga is guaranteed to be theirs.

Why is it that the region is flooded with the myth that mabhala ngepeniseli

that needed to be verified was that sometimes back inindividuals were given concessions for dagga farming for medicial purposes to supply both the local and European markets. Allegedly, this was the springboard upon which the current dagga trade was established. However, there was no evidence suggesting that this was ever the case. The official point of view is that traditionally, Swazi warriors have always used dagga as an acceptable way to evoke courage. It has also been used as a traditional sedative. The elders have been known to brew dagga and drink the product to treat chest and respiratory infections. It is known to control asthma attacks. The source of the myth appears to be the law that allows the cultivation of dagga on experimental projects. Authorities have noted that this is the case in other Southern African countries and they have sent teams on exploratory trips upon receiving numerous public demands to legalise dagga cultivation on a controlled basis like “in Zimbabwe and South Africa”.

In terms of law enforcement, the Royal Swaziland Police have over several years made dagga a priority in their operations. However, because of the inaccessible terrain, they do not have requisite resources to confront the problem. The police do not have an air wing and rely on the South African Police Services (SAPS) for assistance in fighting dagga farming. The practice is to fly over the mountains and spray the identified plantations with chemicals that would destroy them. Such operations generally occur once or twice a year, mainly because of the related costs. Otherwise, an alternative to dagga spraying is the physical uprooting of dagga plants. This is a labour intensive and notoriously excruciating exercise that is disliked for its demand for operatives at the expense of other operational priorities, at least in the period when dagga plantations are destroyed. In any case, spraying is only considered effective with dagga that is identified before it nears maturity because the sprayed plants would subsequently wilt

PMs SPLIFF

MAY PM SMOKE OUT ALL

… And not leave the ‘once influential’ bootlickers matches

By your loving Cousin

Ye Mzala I am happy for now…there are less stories on confisticated trucks transporting cigarettes, there are now no attacks on senior customs officials and the court wrangle on unpaid customs duties have decided not to feature in our daily news bulletins.

While being happy, I am bit wondering of why such stories are not featuring in our media, maybe government has won the battle of cigarette trade with those who are not willing to pay customs duties or it is because the traders have become so sophisticated that no one can detect their movements.

I just pray and wish that no one in the media industry colluded with the traders and decided not to report anything regarding the nabbed cigarettes carrying trucks.

Whatever reason which has resulted in the silence, I believe my cousin deserve to know that a classified documentation last year discovered that most of the smuggled cigarettes have all along been smuggled into and through Swaziland were from Zimbabwe.

As most of my unemployed friends have preferred to smoke the cheap ‘bus rank lose sticks’ this has led to my conclusion and well read information that some of the cigarettes originate from China and arrive at the ports of Mozambique as goods destined for either Mozambique or Zimbabwe. The cigarettes coming from China are known to be predominantly counterfeit. A few consignments are still distributed within the country thus easily accessible from boSibali at the country’s main bus ranks.

Still being a certified dreamer, my voiceless starring just told me a story I once heard before that Smuggling is committed by use of long haulage trucks, most of which are registered in

South Africa or Mozambique. Although most of the smuggling syndicates are dominated by foreigners

(Zimbabweans, Mozambicans, Chinese and South Africans) there is widespread use of

drivers of reputed trucking companies on one hand and Swazi businesspersons on the

other.

As one would have read in the country’s media that most of the drivers caught by law enforcing agents trying to smuggle the cigarettes into the country were of Swazi, Mozambican or South Africans origin who generally know about the smuggling, especially those that have their trucks loaded but are requested not to declare anything.

A law abiding citizen like The Dreamer believes that the drivers are persuaded and paid to have their trucks loaded with contraband. The origins (registration) of the trucks used depend on the companies

affected. Some are Mozambican, most Swaziland and some South African.

In my recent dream I just saw a well known South African company which had a contract to transport sugar from Swaziland to Mozambique and their trucks and their have been used to smuggle cigarettes back into the country.

It is not a hidden fact that one former prominent businessman and absconding legislator was recently tempted to join the bandwagon and used his once influential status to intimidate government officials who the gang felt were a treat in the smooth flow of cigarette trade. However unconfirmed reports have suggested that he has since been dismissed from his role due to the increase of trucks nabbed by the Prime Minister appointed Task Team and members of Umbutfo Swaziland Defence Force.

With my minimal education your cousin is not at liberty of drawing lines on the bonded warehouses operations but I smell a rat on how government allows them to operate freely and easily continue to operate despite being found on the wrong side of the law more than a couple of times.

One of the classified findings of one of Southern Africa reputable research bodies it has been discovered that From Zimbabwe, using the Beira corridor, cigarettes are transported to Mozambique.

They are transported to Maputo where they are temporarily warehoused and reprocessed

for smuggling into and through Swaziland. This entails conniving with customs

officials in Maputo for processing the necessary documents that may falsely suggest that

a different type of commodity would be transported. On the Mozambican side the

syndicate will have bribed customs officials to stamp the transit documents before

departure for Swaziland. At the exit point (border) as well, there will be bribed police and

customs officials to let the trucks through.

On the Swaziland side the process is fundamentally the same yemzala. While customs officials are the leading enforcement agency at ports of entry, it is alleged that often smugglers bribe police officers as well to abate the problem of confrontations between customs and the police that has already resulted in consignments being impounded.

Once the trucks go through, there would be customs officers at the local depot (warehouses) to process and stamp the documents on arrival in Swaziland, that is, where such consignments have been co-mingled with other imports.

The research body which work directly with SAPRCO has discovered that in terms of use or abuse of trucks from the major trucking companies, concerned trucks usually transport other goods on their way to Mozambique from either South Africa or Swaziland. On their way back, they are generally supposed to be carrying no baggage and in most cases they are supposed to rush back to bases in Swaziland or South Africa to transport other consignments. It is on these trips back that the truck drivers collude with cigarette smugglers to load their trucks with cigarettes and smuggle them through the borders. This can only be possible through conniving with customs officials at border

posts who facilitate the passage of the trucks without subjecting them to intrusive

searches. Some trucks purport to be carrying other goods and invoices are tendered to

that effect. However, such invoices would only be meant to deceive officials and avoid

searches.

Once in the country, the trucks may travel all the way through Swaziland and into South

Africa using the same tricks. Alternatively, the contraband may be offloaded and split into

smaller consignments and smaller vehicles used to move them, a small portion for

distribution in Swaziland and the rest for further smuggling into South Africa.

As the media once reported contraband may be moved to different trucks several times. This is done in case law enforcement might be on the trail. The contraband is eventually loaded onto those trucks with easier access to RSA. To this extent, several drivers are involved and would be aware of what

they are involved in. The group sizes or number of people involved will depend either on

how much the kingpins are willing to pay or on the value of contraband at stake.

With the above I am praying to the honourable Prime Minister to smoke out such crimes because it diminishes the revenue that government generates from trade and if government finally realises his dream of setting up a functional Revenue Authority, it should surely capture all import transactions and should follow that collection so that it could be achieved with all revenue due.

ONCE DREAMT OF MY OWN DUBAI

ONCE DREAMT OF OWNING A DUBAI?

…Just changed my mind because most transactions made by locals with the local second hand dealers require cash payments without proper records as compared to reputable car dealers, which is undermining the Kingdom of Eswatini’s Anti Money Laundering regulations

Compiled by your loving cousin

It’s me again your cousin ‘The Dreamer’ and without a doubt every night as I cuddle my soul in my bunk bed wrapped around by umgacambongolo and umngowe on the side (as you know unlike our Malema-disturbed neighbour our government has never thought of providing us with open –air pit latrines), I have dreamt of a wide boom in the industry of the Asian originated second hand motor vehicles popularly known as Dubais.

It no hidden fact that this boom originated was back in the year 2000 and by then couldn’t afford even the ‘Toyota Corolla bakkie’ or a Saloon sedan which by then costed a local close to E50 000 even when the dealer had to spend a mere E5 000 to ship it in local shores.

Thanks but no thanks to the Asian investors for providing us with unprecedented opportunities to own such after only two weeks at a driving schools-thanks to corrupt instructors who colluded with a handful equally corrupt civil service officials who care less of the ever increasing road accidents in the country.

It is no hidden fact that most locals try so hard to save cash for one of the ‘affordable modes of transport’ and it is not suprising that most transactions made by locals with the local second hand dealers require cash payments without proper records as compared to reputable car dealers, which one of my learned cousins at the country’s Central Bank suggested that such is undermining the Kingdom of Eswatini’s Anti Money Laundering regulations.

After pondering for over an hour last night my voiceless starring character took over my soul and showed me a Hummer H3 which looked brand new but dangling the keys from the driver’s door he was quick to warn me that such arrangements tend to attract criminals who desire to launder their funds, both as proprietors of businesses and as customers.

During his ‘free lecture’ he was quick to remind me that out there in Botswana the internationally acclaimed Institute for Security Studies in one of their documented ‘ money laundering and terrorism paper on Botswana highlighted that vehicles imported from Asia are first taken to Botswana, where they are issued with forged registration books, before

being driven to Lesotho and Swaziland to be re-registered.

My cousin I am now prompted to call Customs & Excise Commissioner Thembinkosi Mpanza if he is aware of such because it is disappointing to have a document and research which concludes that this is done because the authorities in the two countries have neither

the time nor the capacity to verify the authenticity of the registration documents produced, the vehicles are thus easily ‘laundered’.

Can you belive that the Botswana government is sobbing that no duty would have been paid

on the vehicles in Botswana as they would not be on the official registration database. At the same time, the vehicles would not attract duty in Lesotho or Swaziland on the assumption that such duty would have been paid in Botswana as part of the registration process there.

My cousin I am not surprised on South Africa’s latest stance on banning Dubais in their road because most car thieves have found the ‘easy-to steal’ dubais as a get rich quick scheme thus as per local police reports reflect the increase theft of these vehicles and high suspicions have pointed fingers on the other side of the fence where a significant number of imported vehicles are smuggled into South Africa despite the country having stringent laws on the importation of second-hand vehicles.

For such a small country like the Kingdom of Eswatini it is discouraging that it is trying ti distabilise all forces ‘threatening’ the Tinkhundla Government but seems it does not care in digging on the allegations that some of the over populating tinini from Asia have links with terrorist group. The country simply lack the expertise of vetting foreigners entering the country day in and day out; thus one won’t be surprised that popular terrorist groups such as Al-Qaeda agents would easily use the country’s boom in imported second-hand cars trade as a cover for their activities.

It is just disheartening that these so called traders rarely use banks in their business transactions and with our kind second-hand cars directors all over the country’s media making publicity –starved it is a known fact that no one know the source of their investment wealth. Being a peaceful country it seems we have turned a soft target for money laundering because our relatively weak finance and company regulatory regimes.

My cousin I am not Xenophobic attacker and have never dreamt of being one but I am concerned by the increasing foreign communities in the country and in terms of accessibility most of them are closed to government structures, let alone us ordinary citizens.

They are engaged in businesses ranging from small-scale ventures to lucrative developmental and government projects. A key benefit of their presence is that they have technical expertise. They also create much-needed employment. However, because of their restricted access to resources that are easily accessible to citizens, some members of these communities are

tempted to engage in corrupt practices, such as bribing.

It is no hidden fact that the most Chinese community is heavily involved in the retail businesses. The commodities they sell are glaring to be either under-invoiced on entry or

smuggled with the assistance of corrupt customs officials. They are generally involved in counterfeit products. It is discouraging that the country’s police are only concerned with clamping down on the Mozambican traders selling fake CDs and movies but I am yet to see them raining these Chinese owned shops which the public claim to be trading in illegal or illegitimate products.

Next door to the Chinese the town is flooded by Indian and Pakistani owned shops who are popular in keeping the proceeds of their businesses on their premises, rather than banking their money. Recently a group of Tanzanians have been reportedly short by police after targeting an Indian national and tried to rob, maybe because of such a perception (however such is yet to be confirmed by the country’s court of law).

Last year an Indian National owning one of the filling stations was reportedly robbed E50 000 while driving at the Swazi Plaza parking bay.

With most Asian nationals accused of banking in their backyards such reinforces the general public perceptions of their banking habits. Though it has never been established what eventually happens to the large sums of money thus kept out of circulation. The possibility is that some is re-invested into sustaining or expanding existing businesses. To the extent that the practice of keeping large sums of money outside the banking system persists, there is a possibility that some of it finds its way to financing other deeds beyond the country’s borders ( some Asian nationals were recently arrested at the Matsapha International Airport carrying over foreign currency to be equivalent to E1million). Let me pray to the Almighty and hope that one day in simplier term-discussion The Central Bank of Swazilamd would periodically publish estimates of the amount of money either out of circulation or that could have been smuggled out of the country at any point.

YOU DON’T KNOW THE COUSIN NEXT DOOR

…I have a problem of dreaming of crime scenes in the city

Compiled by your caring cousin

Yemzala maybe you don’t know me, but I wish to let you know that I am the certified city dweller who has been prompted to let you know of the dangerous surroundings which we dwell in. People in the country are getting fatter and claiming to be richer then it should not surprise you of their claim to fame.

Always been there and experienced a mouthful it should just not surprise even my uncle Barnes who is holding the so called makhundu that he can’t touch some of the figures including the one from Africa origin but claiming roots from Charos in the continent not far from Europe.

It is so unfortunate that I could not abuse my once off meeting with the highest authority in the land and milked a chunk from his billions (phela I know you won’t believe that I had the chance but couldn’t use it). This was due to the fact that I have always been troubled by my dream of seeing this honourable and stylish dude supplying the country’s security forces with spears while during my long dream a question was posed by a voice from behind on his involvement in such dealings bearing in mind on his social standing.

The voice then changed tune citing that such dealings are legal because he initially bribed his way to the ignorant and caring-less seniors who seem not to put the country first but only tuned to fattened their dirty pockets.

With such surrounding and controlling g the country’s economy your truly loving cousin is not surprised to hear from the city’s drinking holes that several high ranking officials are on his payroll. My cousin please don’t force the Son of Lozindaba to reveal names on this one … but such is glaring to the eye that cares to see.

I just can’t buy a story of the hounarable citizen because during my dream’s near ending episode a specific incident was sighted where a van was tracked from the Ngwenya/Ashoek border post with RSA on the basis of intelligence that it was carrying a suspicious unspecified whitish powder into Swaziland.

Whilst my snoring caused by my larger than life banged my tiny stick and mud flat thus irritating my sweet Getrude a team of detectives tracked the an unmarked vehicle and tailed it into Mbabane. The culprits driving the vehicle were observed making calls on their cell phones and immediately afterwards, and before the detectives could do anything, they received a telephone call from a high ranking police official from who demanded to know their location. The detectives were commanded to attend “an emergency” somewhere out of town. With no power to object to the command, the officers obliged and lost trail of the van. It is alleged that the van was later seen driving into a warehouse owned by my Charo cousin which was guarded by a ‘white man’ guards ensuring that there is no unauthorised access into a section of the warehouse.

I don’t know how many minutes my dream took but the voiceless starring character in my dream tried to force me to buy his story that government’s efforts of avoiding human trafficking and the invasion of the overly populated Asians in 97 percent of the city’s supermarkets turned into a Fong Kong electronic shop den are easily downplayed by such souls because they house them in their backyards entering and disguising to be investors or garment factories supervisors. It during this episode that I got to learn that it is easy to get away with such a crime because the only thing you have to do is to import suits or cheap t-shirts and donate to the country’s who-is-who and not one soul would be tagged as whistleblower (ask some of my brothers in the fourth estate, they have benefited from such genorisity)…..it is for this reason that I decided to wake up and sulk at the fact that our society seems to be easily thugged by those in power.

I am still shocked that a number of the fly by night businessmen are enjoying diverse business interests to government’s reserves. This has virtually made it impossible for the general public, journalists or other authorities to put a finger on where most of their money is actually made. It also creates difficulty in suggesting that they make money from illegal activities, as their business holdings are known to generate a lot of income. For good measure, those in arms deals are actually legal, only that their businesses are inconsistent with their social and economic standings. Mzala let me rest my case on this one.