Brian Brizo Mohammed

Correct me if I am wrong but as far as I have noticed the biggest number that most Swazis comfortable with is one million…asibheje…it is just hard to write the number two hundred and fifty billion in numerals.

I am drawing this issue of numbers because I have read recent reports that the global population is set to hit seven billion by the end of October .Even though I wouldn’t want to dwell much on such findings because I am not qualified to do so but such has led to yours truly having sleepless nights and thought of the births in the my tiny country’s hospitals…I think it is a number that is so large we can only get our heads around it by means of blank comparisons.

With seven billion people expected by month end in world it is not a number which is bewildering but psychologically oppressive. It is not a hidden fact that as Swazis we think of ourselves as unique individuals with our own thoughts, cultural beliefs and monarchy. The question then remains that with so many people we have in the world do we still find ourselves unique.

With the current economic, political and administrative insanity do we still find ourselves distinctive when every week we experiencing protest marches about anything that is happening in our surroundings. I am waiting for the day that all of the people of Swaziland would wake up at night and protest that this summer days are longer than night.

Swazis Unique? Mhm! I have read that you might find that while in Swaziland we are enjoying bedroom aerobics it is more likely that there are 25 000 other couples doing exactly the same thing, possibly in the same position.

When we bite a mealie cob you might find that even two million people in the other parts of the world moving their canines on the produce (even though in some parts they receive it canned)

Even if we die in Swaziland you might find that 100 people are also losing their breath and hoping to settle well in heaven or hell.

With the above point I wish our government to at least try and revisit our immigration laws because with the little space we have, we are just flooded by these Asians. The country’s population is not growing not because Swazis love sex but because of our loop holes on the arrival of the so called business people…Let us just enjoy our space and not have Swazis with alien surnames like mine….I just love Swaziland

Brian Mohammed never studied economics, never ran a legitimate business, never employed anyone except Anti in the government flat in Golf Course Mbabane, twice asked a bank for a loan but I have never woke up in the middle of the night wondering how I would pay my bills. So clearly to anyone who cares I am the best man to run the Kingdom of Eswatini economy.

I know a number of the civil servants in the Ministry of Economic Planning are former scholars of the Sisco Magagula headed Matsapha High School…oops University and have spent many years advising the man at the helm of the Hospital Hill Headquaters. I thank God I am employed (for now) stamping foreign passports in the Ministry of Home Affairs.

Personally as I type on my Toshiba laptop which was one of the fruits from one of His Majesty’s liability delegates during a trip overseas I have realised even our Members of Parliament are a bunch of economics illiterates. It is still unfortunate that we are still seeing our Minister of Finance (a former University of Swaziland lecturer; if my memory serves me right) is still on the sailing ship of the Swazi Titanic conducted by uncaring conservative individuals who are only concerned about painting their faces with green paint of culture.

I pity the current leadership of steering us to recession and even my older daughter Amir is feeling it because I cant affort bringing home Cheese Curls-Thanks to the greedy senior government who have managed to steal the little the country reserved and stuffed it in mysterious foreign banks while locally driving not so expensive vehicles and still enjoy the warm comfort government housing.

I mean two days ago some of them have been transferred to ‘steal’ in other ministries .These guys are no stars and they will never even feature in anyone’s good books because they have left us ordinary and loyal citizens on a starvation diet.

They have just reached their target and it is a gross, simple minded experiment that has ended live laBhuza in the morgue. I have never heard a conference speech from any of the current Cabinet that filled me with such despair as the cow dung stolen by the then Speaker Mgabhi Dlamini from LaMgabhi.

It is just unfortunate that the Swazi economy is well and truly vomited upon by greedy senior officials who always blame junior official of corruption. While we basking in disappointing economic stories in the country’s media there is however positives from our ‘forgoten friends’ from Libya and the gossip about a proposed first gay marriage in the Kingdom.

It seems like even Majozi just does not get it, let us work towards alleviating the situation byh investigating the senior government who have stolen millions. I know Mr Sithole would request for proof…My proof is the current state of affairs of the economy and the reports of some senior government officials directly benefiting from tendering exercise.

I think the government just needs to get back its money from the looters before she dreams of borrowing from the country’s friends with benefits and conditions. How will government be able to pay the tenderprenuers if her pocket is empty.

The obsession with cutting the civil service while ignoring the input they have made in sustaining the country is another recipe for disaster awaiting. There is starting to be a real sense of panic in the land. I wouldn’t be surprised that even the Central Bank is printing E1 billion per government quarter in a desperate attempt to give a kiss of life to an economy that has already died . It is so unfortunate that our banks are not borrowing us money and we there is nothing we can spend . The lucky one are the fly by night Asian businessmen who keep their earnings under their mattresses.

It is justifiable with the banks , that in the past they had given out loans to bad debtors who amongst them included current and former politicians , it seem now they are afraid to make good loans to us who are in need. I have heard that the lines of credit that are crucial to economic growth are being quietly strangled in every local bank.

Banks are now scared, local businesses are collapsing, there are thousands of my unemployed peer in my hometown Msunduza in the fix and it is for this reason that Brian Mohammed does not understand that an economy grows or die…Mind you I wish to remain in Swaziland till I die